On our crosses, a beginning, written for Flos Carmeli
I occasionally rail at God about how much I utterly detest my trials. I haven't learned how to like being in pain and probably never will --- pain wouldn't do its job of warning us if we could come to like it. I consider it a victory that I'm coming to terms with becoming more dependent in my life and coming to be a burden to my friends and my family, but only coming to terms with it, still not happy over it.
Our crosses will be with us whether we accept them or not; we embrace and bear them willingly and offer up our suffering as a gift, a sacrificial offering; or we are strapped to them resisting and unwilling and they crush and break us. Not having a cross is not one of the options.
Holler at God if needed, He is great enough and strong enough, and He knows, He has done it Himself.